Let’s Talk About Sex, (and) Babies!

Let’s Talk About Sex, (and) Babies!

Side Bar: This is not a pregnancy announcement. 😂

On September 20, 2017, my husband and I will have officially been together for 5 years! That’s the exact day we met, and that’s what we consider our anniversary. Why don’t we count our wedding? Well, we had two. It’s confusing. Neither one of us knows which to celebrate. So, instead, we celebrate the day we met because we basically considered ourselves married from day one. Seriously. We met, spent 3 solid days together, then moved in together two weeks later, engaged 6 months later, and then married…twice.

Sounds like a fairytale, right? WRONG.

I mean, it started like one. He was everything I didn’t know I wanted, and everything I knew I needed. We were young and head over heels in love, and he swept me off my feet with romance. We built a home together, adopted a few (or more than a few) fur babies, and settled into our lives as a couple.

It was goddamn perfect.

And then it wasn’t so perfect.

Adulthood hit with a fucking sledgehammer to the face.

The next 2-3 years were hell. First, our home burned down a few weeks before our wedding. FUN. Then, family caused a shit ton of drama surrounding the wedding plans, and that was fucking miserable. Then, our cars were totaled in two separate car accidents. Then, our insurance didn’t pay for fire damages and we had to move far away and to Murderville because we were practically bankrupted by the fire and the wedding and the cars and the irresponsibility of being 23 and not knowing how to handle money.

Did you think that was it? Oh, no. There’s more!

Next, my husband got ill and it took months and months to figure out what was wrong and how to get his illness under control with medications. Then, my husband basically lost his job due to said illness and was royally fucked over by his employers. Oh, and then our dog was accidentally poisoned and almost died, and our other dog was discovered to have cancer. During all of this, we suffered multiple miscarriages and went through failed fertility treatments (which seriously suck, by the way).  *sigh* 

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that life got shitty, and unfortunately, our relationship did, too. Neither one of us knew how to handle these stressors and tragedies, and instead of banding together and helping each other through it, we took out our pain on each other. There was so much fighting, lying, anger, selfishness, distrust, and a shit ton of other crappy behavior that seemed like it would be impossible to ever come back from. Our marriage quickly tanked, and divorce was discussed more than once.

Honestly, it fucking sucked.

I’ve never felt like more of a failure than I did at the end of 2016 when I realized I might actually be a divorcee soon. And it was the last thing I ever wanted–especially from Justin. He was, and is, perfect for me. I love him with all my heart. I always would. So why couldn’t it just work? Why was it so hard? This shouldn’t be happening.

The most difficult part was I felt unable to talk to anyone about it. I am a romance author. I sell love for a living! How could I tell people that I’m destroying my very own happily ever after? How can I sell happiness when I’m not?

On a personal level, I didn’t want to talk to friends or family about it very much. I didn’t want them to pick sides or to hate him. I didn’t want them to judge us for our failures, especially when some family has just been eagerly waiting for us to fail since day one. I carefully and cautiously picked and chose what I told to who, and who got to see into my life–though no one ever got the full picture.

I was hurting. Badly. My motherhood was ripped from me time and time again. My marriage was disintegrating. My career felt like a fraud. My friendships felt distant as I pushed them away.

I was so alone, and it was partially my own fault.

It was time to make some changes. I couldn’t keep living the way we were anymore. First, therapy. So. Much. Therapy. I began going every week on my own to a therapist, and Justin and I went every week to a marriage counselor. Honestly, it made everything worse. It fucking sucked. I’ve never worked so hard in my entire life.

But then it wasn’t worse. In fact, it was a lot better. It was actually kind of amazing.

That’s kind of what therapy does. It tears open the old wounds that never properly healed, slowly cleans them out while you’re screaming and writhing in pain and begging it to stop, then stitches it back together and allows you to heal for the first time ever.

I went on vacation by myself for the first time, healing my old wounds. Justin finally found what combination of medication he needed to manage his illness with minimal side effects. He also found a new job, one that actually fulfills him and lifts his spirits. Finally, we moved back to our favorite area and out of Murderville.

We learned to talk to one another again. To get out of our own ways, and stop holding our pains against one another. We slowly…so slowly…began to open up again, and come together. We began talking about the future again…believing we actually have a future.

We began to fall in love again, with each other and with ourselves.

Why am I telling you this long story? Well, it’s actually just the preamble. A year later, our relationship is still repairing and still learning, but we’re happy. We’re in love again. We know that after having gone through all of that divorce is no longer an option. We made it through the worst.

Now that we’ve done the work/are doing the work (because it’ll never really be over since we’ll always need to be working on our relationship in order to keep it healthy), we’re ready to begin trying for a family again. We both want to be parents. Hell, being a mother has been my dream since I was a little girl. I have no doubt in my mind that Justin would be an amazing father–so loving, kind, and a strong example of the type of man I’d want my future sons to be.

You know what that means? BABY MAKING TIME! 

Here’s the kicker, though. The moment we were finally able to have everything we wanted–a family–we realized we actually didn’t want that at all. At least, not yet. The truth is, we weren’t ready to be parents because we hadn’t just been a couple yet. We’d been together for almost 5 years, and yet we hadn’t really been able to enjoy that time as a young, married couple. We had spent so much time trying to keep it all together and make ends meet, that we hadn’t just stopped and enjoyed life!

But, don’t get me wrong, we still want to be parents. We just want to be us first. I mean, I’ll only be 28 years old on September 23rd–I HAVE TIME, GUYS. I’m still so young and vibrant. 😂 (Side note: You’re welcome to start buying birthday presents for me now, kthxbye!)

So, we hatched a plan! We made a pre-baby bucket list! It’s exactly what it sounds like–a fun list of things we want to do before we come parents. Honestly, I think we can get most of it done this fall and then start trying again for a baby in the spring, but we’re not putting any pressure on it right now.

Our list has 10 things to do together, and then 3 separate things for each of us. I’m super excited, and we’ve already got some things in the works!

Ready for our list? Read below!


The Robinson’s Pre-Baby Bucket List:
1) Visit another country (Trip to Iceland booked for November!)
2) Have an actual honeymoon (See Iceland plans above.)
3) Go to at least 3 comedy shows (Bought tickets for Kevin James, Trevor Noah, and Jon Lovitz. Heck yeah!)
4) Go to a concert together (Booked tickets to Pentatonix! And you know the moment TSwift goes on tour, imma be there.)
5) Spend an entire weekend in bed (Can I do this every weekend?)

6) Take a couple’s cooking class
7) Visit Chicago for a weekend
8) Go to Oktoberfest and wine festivals with friends, and drink all the booze, all the time. (Babies means no drinking and that sounds awful)
9) Take at least 2 day trips to new places on random road trips with no scheduling ahead of time
10) Sell our children’s book series (See PJ Marsie)

 

Individual Pre-Baby Bucket Lists:
– Finish edits on the secret non-romance project and sell (Sarah)- I really need to get on this.
– Sign a new book deal (Sarah)- Coming soon!
– Sell audio and/or print rights to my self-pub book(s) (Sarah)-Working on it!

– Skydiving (Justin)
– Go to his first NFL game (Justin)- Already got tickets for 2 games!
Drive an exotic car (Justin)


All of this was probably way more information than you wanted to know about us, and I’ll probably get a few family members calling me up telling me to not air my dirty laundry (*eye roll*), but Justin and I are not afraid to live our lives publicly. And, yes, he read and approved all this before I posted it. Duh. 😂
(Side Note: Justin is currently in Texas bringing supplies to shelters and working with the Coast Guard and National Guard to help with Hurricane Harvey relief efforts. Totally voluntarily. I mean…how lucky am I to be that man’s wife? 😍 Pray for him down there, ya’ll.)

When I felt so alone last year, reading that other people were going through it too would have really helped me. So, I’m hoping by posting this, someone out there who may be struggling in their relationship will find some comfort. Our mistakes aren’t only ours. We’re not the only people to struggle with marriage or the possibility of parenthood.
You’re not alone, and neither am I.

❤️❤️❤️

Stay tuned on my Facebook (or Facebook page) and Instagram as we work through this list because I’m going to be posting all about it!  I’m going to need to need all your help and support with this, guys! Help hold us accountable for getting shit done! (Side note: What should my pre-baby bucket list hashtag be? It’s gotta be quirky and unique! Give me suggestions in the comments!)
Let’s get crazy and make bad decisions together! 

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36 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Sex, (and) Babies!”

  1. Sounds familiar sweetheart . Went through a lot of this before i got divorved. But it was truly the best for me, glad you two ate working it out. Enjoy each other . Live. Travel laugh and more . I didnt get pregnant until i was 35 you have plenty of time.

  2. *HUGS* LOVE YOU! Thank you for sharing in hopes of helping others. Thanks to Justin (& crew) for traveling to help others, giving time and physical help as well as money and supplies where they’re needed.

    Let me know when you go to Chicago so I can stalk you! (Or remind you to go to Garrett’s for popcorn & Shedd for cute sea creatures & on the river Architectural tour because it’s fun & awesome!) 😉

  3. Life is tough but you are tougher! It has to feel great to be able to look back on that time and say I’m stronger because of all this shit I went though. Thank you for opening up and sharing and being real with your readers!

  4. The realities of marriage, girl, you hit it all on the head, and you are SOOOOO smart to have your “MARRIAGE” and learn to be a “COUPLE” before bringing babies into the mix… IT AIN’T EASY!! They make things HARDER and if you aren’t a solid team, then it can all crumble even faster! Bucket list YES!!! Rock on and I am praying for you that when it’s your time, that you are poppin out babies like no ones business! XOXO

  5. Girl … I’m keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. Marriage isn’t easy – it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But here’s the kicker – you have to WANT it … more than anything else or anyone else.

    And it sounds like you both do, so I know as long as you both feel that way – you’ll make it. It still won’t be easy and there will be other things to come up/block your path, but as long as you WANT you’re marriage and each other, you’ll get thru it. ❤️

  6. Marriage sure ain’t easy is it? Lol It takes so much more work to stay together & make it than it does to just walk away, but you know what? Nothing worth having is easy. It sucks that it’s like that but it’s true. You hang in there girl! You guys have been through it & came out stronger on the other side. And as far as anyone saying “Don’t air your dirty laundry”, screw em! It’s your life. As long as Justin supports what you’re posting, screw everyone else. His support is what’s important. You’re on a grand adventure & I can’t wait to hear more about it; your successes & your failures (please don’t think I want you to fail, I don’t. it’s a part of life), your ups & downs, your good days & bad, we’re all here to support you guys however we can. You can do this!

  7. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve not gone through what ya’ll have, but I will keep you in my thoughts that the bad times stay in the past and it’s all smooth sailing from here. I’m sure you just helped lots of people by sharing, it helps knowing you’re not alone going through life’s drama.
    #wildbeforechild
    #havingfunprediaperrun
    #lifepathnotdiaperrash
    #fromabucketlisttoadiaperpail

  8. My husband and I have been together 23 years and married 21 and yes, does not matter how long you are together. Marriage takes work on both sides! Love this! Thanks for sharing!

  9. I hope you have more ups than downs on the rollercoaster we call life. And, let me know when you’re coming to Chicago. I’ll get a hall pass out of the suburbs to meet you!

    1. Yes, please! Not sure when we’re going yet, but I’m excited! Hopefully sometime this fall we’ll spend a weekend there.

  10. So much to say to this…too much for a mere comment. Wanna have lunch soon? We can drag Lavinia along.

    I too got married young. Lots of highs ands lows. But yesterday was our 20th anniversary. And I’m more in love now.

    Pre-baby bucket list:
    Sleep!
    Go to the movies a lot.
    Drink a lot now, cause hangovers with kids suuuuuck.
    Go to restaurants and judge all the parents. They obviously suck, and you’ll kick their ass at parenting. Fast forward and laugh at your naivety.

    1. Yes, please! Lavinia and I had lunch yesterday, and I could definitely go for round 2! Text me to set up a time! I just moved to Alexandria, VA so I’m not far now!

  11. This is what I love about you. Your not afraid to show us the pain and the tears. I’m so glad things worked out between you and Justin you both deserve happiness and taking time for yourself before children is a great idea.

  12. Sarah is thanks so much for sharing your man with my state. We need all the help we can get. Your post was so inspiring. Hope it helps others. You my friend are in my prayers. Just in is to!

  13. Thank you for sharing. Life is not always sunshine and roses. There’s plenty of grim in between that only makes us stronger.

  14. Thank you for sharing your story! I wish you and Justin nothing but the best. I’m sure you and Justin will both be great parents, when you are ready. I hope you both have fun completing your bucket list. I look forward to hearing all about it as you complete each item (Although I don’t need to hear about your weekend in bed, Lol). I admire you for having the courage to make your story public. As for people that don’t support your decisions, who needs them. You only deserve positive people in your life, and Justin is the only main person who matters. Its up to you who else you let into your life. Justin is also amazing for what he is doing helping the victims of Harvey. I will pray for him and everyone there. Love you Sarah! Hugs <3

  15. This was very very inspirational. Sarah, you are right, other people are going through though time and I think reading this will help a lot of people.
    You may be a romance writer, but you’re also a human being. I totally loved your post and I read it with pleasure. I didn’t find it long at all.
    Thank you for sharing such a wonderful journey and best of luck 🙂

  16. Good for you for being so open and working so hard at your marriage. I LOVE the idea of your bucket list. A wise thing to do before babies come along.

    My very first psychology teacher told our class that he’s grateful for the financial struggles of his early married years. He and his wife were dirt poor. But they emerged from that experience knowing their marriage could handle hard times. From that time, they grew a deep level of trust in each other and their relationship.

    Therapy–individual & couples–is important in a struggling marriage. It’s even more important BEFORE marriage. A counselor can teach you how to communicate and you learn to navigate problem areas while they are still small. Most couples don’t go to therapy until their marriage is on the rocks, and it’s so much harder to wade through years of hurt and resentment.

    Perhaps you can tell I’m a psychotherapist.

    A word of warning…if the marriage is in trouble and only one person goes to therapy, he or she may grow themselves out of the relationship. That’s why couples’ therapy is also important.

    A good counselor is also important–one who understands you/the issues and who also gives good feedback. You might not like the feedback, but deep in your heart, you know it’s right.

    All the best with enjoying your bucket list and acquiring those children you want.

  17. You and Justin are awesome! Marriage is a 24 hour a day job bottom line. Things will sometimes get broken and have to be tweaked. True story! When hubs and I got married I wrote him a beautiful poem titled Tweak. My best friend handed it to him and stood there while he read it and then handed him his tiny wrench. Till this day, he carries the tiny wrench and when we get into troubles I tell him it’s time for some tweaks 😉.

    Can’t think of a unquie quirky hashtag name yet. Too early haven’t had coffee yet. Lolol. BUT I’ll revisit that idea for you.

    Stay safe in Texas Justin

  18. Beautiful, honest, raw, and grace.
    I loved it. Marriage isn’t easy and it sucks often but yes, it can be wonderful and amazing along with the suck.
    I LOVED this post!
    Enjoy fulfilling your bucket list! ❤️❤️❤️

  19. I love this so much.

    When you DO become parents I want you to go back to that bucket list and add more, because if there’s one thing I learned from becoming a mother unexpectedly and too young it’s that it can be hell on a relationship.

    And I’m going to steal your bucket list idea for my hubby and me as a way to get some of our young and in love-ness back. Because becoming parents can make it really hard to be a couple.

    I’m so happy you and Justin are in a good place right now. ❤

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