NEW RELEASE: Becoming A Legend, A Kavanagh Legends Novel

From the author of Saving a Legend (“A deep and moving story about family, acceptance, and love.”—Katy Evans) comes another smoldering MMA romance titled BECOMING A LEGEND featuring the Kavanagh brothers, the chiseled alpha males whose real legacy is love.

Kane Kavanagh has always had one goal: being the best mixed martial arts fighter alive. With the MMA National Championships in Las Vegas fast approaching, the man they call “Killer” has no intention of letting anyone or anything get in his way. Somehow, though, a feisty opponent has slipped beneath his guard—and stolen his heart. Fiery and passionate, Nora Hannigan is harder to pin down than any rival Kane has faced in the ring. And she isn’t afraid to tell Kane that she wants nothing to do with him.

With her best friend about to marry into the Kavanagh family, Nora has been resisting Kane’s shameless attempts at flirting for months. But after their undeniable chemistry finally takes over, leading to the hottest night of Nora’s life, she’s running scared. There’s a lot about her life Kane doesn’t know, and she won’t be responsible for ending his career. Now Kane’s out to prove that he’s ready for commitment by winning her heart—and he’s never lost a fight.

Purchase Becoming a Legend:
Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon AU | Amazon CA
iBooks | Books a Million | Barnes & Noble
Kobo | Google Play | Penguin Random House

Listen to Becoming a Legend on Audio!
Preorder: Tantor Media | Amazon | Audible | iTunes
Amazon Whispersync | Barnes & Noble Audio

Add Becoming a Legend (Kavanagh Legends, #3)
to your TBR on Goodreads here!

Read the first 2 chapters of Becoming A Legend here!


Fan-Made Teasers! 
Check out some of these awesome teasers for Becoming A Legend made by book bloggers and readers! Thanks to Prisoners of Print and Collectors of Book Boyfriends & Girlfriends.

Purchase Becoming a Legend:
Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon AU | Amazon CA
iBooks | Books a Million | Barnes & Noble
Kobo | Google Play | Penguin Random House

Listen to Becoming a Legend on Audio!
Preorder: Tantor Media | Amazon | Audible | iTunes
Amazon Whispersync | Barnes & Noble Audio


Check Out the Entire Kavanagh Legends Series!
Read the first two books in the series today! See it here!

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CYBER MONDAY SALE ALERT! Saving A Legend is $0.99!

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First Time Ever At Only $0.99!

If you’ve followed me for a while, you know that I only do one or two $0.99 sales a year (mainly because it takes a LOT of work and is exhausting lol!). Well, for the first time ever SAVING A LEGEND is only $0.99 on all retail platforms! And the audio version is only $2.99 if you have the ebook! I’ve never had a sale this good, so grab it while you can!

Ebook➜ $0.99 
Audiobook➜ $2.99

Grab your copy today!

Purchase Saving a Legend as an E-Book for $0.99 This Week Only:
Click on the desired retailer below to purchase!
Amazon US | Amazon CA | Amazon UK | Amazon AU
Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Google Play | Books a Million | iBooks
Penguin Random House

Purchase Saving a Legend on Audio for $2.99 This Week Only:
Amazon CD | Audible | iTunesTantor Media


Praised by New York Time Bestselling Author Penelope Ward as “a unique story line with multiple layers to it,” Sarah Robinson’s Saving a Legend goes another round with the brooding Kavanagh brothers: MMA fighters who won’t call it quits in the ring, or in romance.

His family’s gym has produced a roster of mixed martial arts legends, but so far Kieran Kavanagh hasn’t followed in their footsteps. After a brawl lands him in jail, Kieran is assigned to work at a center for at-risk youth. Though given a second chance, Kieran’s simply going through the motions—until he meets one very special kid, Shea Doherty, and falls hard for her very beautiful, very grown-up big sister, Fiona. The trouble is, Kieran’s best opening moves are getting him nowhere fast.

Fiona Doherty has too many responsibilities to fool around, especially now that she has custody of Shea. Sure, she’d love to find a devoted partner. But she won’t jeopardize her sister’s happiness—or risk revealing her tortured past—on a love-’em-and-leave-’em type of guy like Kieran . . . so it’s up to him to prove her wrong. As Fiona spends more time with Kieran, she starts to see a softer side of the reckless warrior. Now she must admit that when it comes to the possibility of real love, well . . . there’s a fighting chance.

Add Saving a Legend (Kavanagh Legends, #2) to your TBR on Goodreads now! 

Saving a Legend (Kavanagh Legends, #2)

Already read Saving a Legend?
Preorder the next book in the series here coming in 2 weeks! 

Kavanagh Legends 3 Book Collage


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Sarah’s Top 5 Favorite Apps That Cost $0

Everyone who knows me knows that books are my favorite thing of all the things, because…books. However, in the spirit of Black Friday and Cyber Monday and all the shopping happening this week, I’m going to tell you some of my favorite things that won’t cost you a gosh darn penny and really have nothing to do with writing or reading, because why not?

Here’s a list of my top 5 favorite apps or programs that I use literally every day and kind of make my life. Everything on here, I’ve tried so you can be assured I mean it. However, keep in mind that for some of these I’m also using affiliate links which means I get a little credit, or some times a couple dollars.

TL, DR: We’re talking Digit Savings, theSkimm Daily News, Shine Daily Texts, Breaking News App, and Starbucks Rewards (because, duh).

Anywho, check it out and tell me in the comments which apps you use and love on a daily basis!


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When I Can’t Save $ For Sh*t

A friend introduced me to Digit last Spring and it’s seriously been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself (aka, I’ve saved $2,000 without even trying). This is a real bank account (yes, real bank account with FDIC insured and the whole nine yards) that saves for you without you having to do a thing. It basically automatically pulls a few dollars here and there from your checking account and puts them in a Digit Savings Account.

How It Works: Set up the Digit app (also done via text) with your checking account and start saving! That simple! You’ll get weekly alerts (or more/less frequent if you want) and you can set how aggressively it saves for you. You can also transfer $ back to your checking account in 1 business day, and you get $5 if someone signs up with your link (Hint!). It won’t overdraft you either, but if on the off chance it does, it will reimburse you everything including the bank overdraft fee (you can also set it so it doesn’t save if your account is below a certain $ amount just in case this makes you nervous!). Now you’ll have a nice cushion of money for emergencies, or a fun goal like a vacation fund or car fund or whatever else you’re saving for! We’re saving up for a car (or maybe that mythical honeymoon we never had *sigh*).

Learn more about Digit at https://digit.co.


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When I Don’t Know What’s Up In The World

Thankfully, a team of snarky, smart, sweet millennials is at the ready to give me the latest news in a less-than-2-minute read in my daily Skimm that goes out to millions of readers, including big-time celebrities like Oprah. Yes, this is Oprah approved! Also, this is bipartisan, so whoever you voted for, you can feel safe reading this!

How It Works: Every Monday through Friday, you get an email about the latest current events happening all around the world. You’ll sound a lot smarter at dinner parties and family gatherings because of it, plus Amazon Echo’s Alexa can read it out loud to you (set that up here) so you’ll feel knowledgable as hell during your morning pee! Side Note: They do have an app that’s $2.99/month and totally awesome and more in depth than the free email, but hey, free is free!

Subscribe to theSkimm today at theskimm.com.


When I Need A Happy Start To My Day

The Shine text has been my lifeline through this election season, and hell, every season. Every Monday through Friday at around 8:30am, I receive an uplifting text message about life, motivations, and positivity.

Here’s an example of the last text I got:
“It is not happy people who are grateful, but grateful people who are happy.” Love. Connectedness. Stretchy pants. Take it all in today, Sarah. #ShineOn 🙂 

Now who wouldn’t want to start their day off with a sprinkle of encouragement?

Sign up to receive your free Shine text at shinetext.com.


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When I Can’t Wait 30 Seconds For The News

The Breaking News app is perfect for news junkies like me because I can get all the latest breaking news in one sentence or less immediately.

How It Works: Download the app to your phone and make sure notifications are set. Now pick up to 10 categories to be alerted on (like the election, US news, local news in your town, etc). If you want more than that, I think you have to pay for it. Now each time something happens, you’ll get a notification on your phone about it! You can get the gist from the notification itself or click on it to read more in depth.

Download Breaking News at breakingnews.com/apps.


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It’s You. It’s Always Been You, Coffee.

I don’t get anything but a pat on the back from myself for telling you this, but if you’re a Starbucks lover, or even occasional buyer like myself, you need this app. I get free drinks all the time just by paying attention to their daily doubles or freebies or other cool promotional days. I also can order drinks from my phone and pay for it with my phone. In fact, if I don’t want to wait in line, I just order it from my phone ahead of time and swoop in at the last minute to pick it up while everyone in line stares at me with murder eyes. It’s fun to be hated by strangers.

How It Works: Download the app and link it to a Starbucks giftcard that you can reload again and again (or once you hit gold level, they send you a personalized gold card!). Order through the app and you’ll collect 2 stars per $1 spent. After 125 stars, you get a free drink of any size or type (you know my free drinks are the fanciest, biggest they have with 8 extra shots and would normally cost $20). It’s really easy to get to 125 stars without spending the $60-something you’d think you need to spend because Starbucks does tons of promotions for 50 free stars, 150 free stars, free daily double star points, free stars for ordering XYQ, etc. You just have to pay attention to the deals! 🙂 If you buy cheap drinks (think tea, coffee, iced coffee) instead of fancy drinks, then you really end up spending a lot less and getting the free drink sooner.

Break It Down For Me: For example, they recently had a deal where 9 purchases (over $1) within a week got you an extra 150 stars on top of the stars that each of the purchases normally gets you. By ordering 9 simple drinks like a grande brewed coffee between me and my husband, we spent $22.50 in a week and earned 150 stars, plus the 45 stars that our purchases got us (aka 195 total). In case that seems like a lot of coffee to you, I’m there every day all day writing so it’s kind of like rent to me (I seriously am talking like 50+hrs a week). That’s almost 2 free drinks right there (250 would be 2 free), and since I get a trenta-sized speciality holiday coffee drink with extra shots for my free drink (a $16.86 value according to my receipt), I pretty much paid $5.64 for 10 drinks, including a fancy as hell drink, and I’m only a few stars away from another free drink in a few days. Side note: I’m horrible at math. 

Side Note for Writers: If you get regular coffee or iced coffee, and I think even tea, you can get a $0.50 refill if you’re still in the store when you finish it! You can hang out all day and drink 6 grande coffees for under $5 and only a minor heart attack. Talk about a cheap office! (Note: the 50 cent refills don’t earn you star rewards). 

Join Starbucks Rewards at members.starbucks.com.


 

For more about Sarah Robinson and her books, make sure to sign up for her newsletter at eepurl.com/RUobv.

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EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT: Read the First 2 Chapters of Becoming A Legend (Releases 12.13.16)

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BECOMING A LEGEND IS COMING DECEMBER 13, 2016!

Becoming a Legend_Robinson

SYNOPSIS:

From the author of Saving a Legend (“A deep and moving story about family, acceptance, and love.”—Katy Evans) comes another smoldering MMA romance featuring the Kavanagh brothers, the chiseled alpha males whose real legacy is love.

Kane Kavanagh has always had one goal: being the best mixed martial arts fighter alive. With the MMA National Championships in Las Vegas fast approaching, the man they call “Killer” has no intention of letting anyone or anything get in his way. Somehow, though, a feisty opponent has slipped beneath his guard—and stolen his heart. Fiery and passionate, Nora Hannigan is harder to pin down than any rival Kane has faced in the ring. And she isn’t afraid to tell Kane that she wants nothing to do with him.

With her best friend about to marry into the Kavanagh family, Nora has been resisting Kane’s shameless attempts at flirting for months. But after their undeniable chemistry finally takes over, leading to the hottest night of Nora’s life, she’s running scared. There’s a lot about her life Kane doesn’t know, and she won’t be responsible for ending his career. Now Kane’s out to prove that he’s ready for commitment by winning her heart—and he’s never lost a fight.

Preorder Becoming a Legend Today:
Coming December 13, 2016

Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon AU | Amazon CA
iBooks | Books a Million | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Google Play
Penguin Random House

Listen to Becoming a Legend on Audio starting Dec 13!
Preorder: Tantor Media | Amazon | Audible
Amazon Whispersync | Barnes & Noble Audio

Add Becoming a Legend (Kavanagh Legends, #3) to your TBR on Goodreads here!


BECOMING A LEGEND
FIRST 2 CHAPTERS EXCERPT

(DISCLAIMER: May contain spoilers for the first 2 books in the Kavanagh Legends series, Breaking A Legend and Saving A Legend! Also, may contain cuss words and graphic language.)

 

PROLOGUE

“I think you broke his nose,” Rory, his oldest brother, told Kane as he handed him a bottle of water in the corner of the Vegas octagon. The crowd buzzed with excitement, voices hoarse from screaming during the last few rounds. It was all Kane could hear, and it made the blood pound through his veins as they cried for more.

Kane glanced across to his opponent in the opposite corner, similarly surrounded by coaches and trainers helping him prepare for the next round. Xavier’s nose was clearly crooked and gushing blood into a towel, but he didn’t seem concerned or in pain. Meaty, but short, Kane’s enemy was built like a tree stump, low to the ground and impossible to budge. Kane had quickly discovered that although Xavier wasn’t fast, or all that powerful, he wasn’t going to be easy to take down.

Not that it really mattered. He was following someone else’s orders now. End it in the third round, not a minute sooner. Make it look believable, break his nose or something.

Everything Kane had trained for since the moment he’d first stepped into an octagon was staring him in the face. The fight of a lifetime, his dream of fame and fortune.

It was all happening right here, right now.

And he was going to lose it all. You can’t win, Kane. 

His father’s hand landed on his shoulder. “Ready for round three? He’s trying to tire you out, don’t let him.”

“Got it.” Kane stood and shook out his limbs, before Rory helped push his mouthpiece back into place. All four of his brothers and his father clapped him on the back and shouted words of encouragement over the roar of the rowdy Las Vegas crowd, before climbing out of the cage and continuing to cheer him on from the sidelines.

Xavier’s team cleared out as well, while the crowd eagerly awaited the start of the third round. Kane tuned them out, just focusing on his fists clenched in front of him. In less than three seconds, he’d have to make the biggest choice of his life.

The warning echoed in his mind as he stared at his opponent. You’ll do it, or everyone you love will pay your debt for you.

The words echoed and rolled in his gut, sickening him. He could win this fight; he wanted to win this fight. He’d spent his whole life preparing to win this fight. But now he had to choose between two of the most important things in the world to him—the fight, or his family.

Seconds away, and he had no idea what he was going to do.

Those beady, black eyes entered his mind again and the threat rang loud and clear.

Take a dive… or else.

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

“I don’t have time to go to a fucking party, Rory,” Kane said with a loud exhale as his fist crunched into the heavy bag his older brother was braced behind.

“Straighten your arm, hit it straight on,” Rory instructed as Kane continued punching the bag. “You’ve got to go. Ma would kill you.”

“You got engaged last spring, bro. Don’t you think when the leaves start changing you gotta stop milking the celebrations?” In fact, it had been at the state championship Kane had been competing in where Rory had popped the question to his then girlfriend, Clare. Everyone had gone all googly-eyed over the whole thing, and while Kane was happy that his brother was happy, he didn’t really care about romance, weddings, or “girly” things like that. Kane’s twin brother, Kieran, had fallen under the same ridiculous spell a few months later, proposing to his girlfriend, Fiona.

Now that the oldest two brothers of the five Kavanagh men were settling down, their mother was putting pressure on the rest to do the same. Her desire for grandbabies was getting out of hand.

Rory leaned into the bag as Kane continued to punch it. “It’s not an engagement party, it’s a joint bridal shower for Clare and Fiona.”

“Aren’t those things just for chicks? I’m not going to some pink-glitter party.”

Rory shrugged. “Apparently men are invited too. They’re being all progressive or some shit— I don’t know. Ma said we gotta all show tonight.”

Kane rolled his eyes. “Fine, but there better be beer.”

“You can’t drink even if there is. You’re in training.”

“I’m getting drunk or I’m not going.” Kane slammed his fist on the bag a little closer to Rory’s head.

“Nationals is three months away, Kane. If you’re going to beat Xavier, then you’ve got to be at the top of your game, and I’m saying that as your trainer. You need to be in the best shape possible.”

Kane straightened and pulled the wraps off his hands before turning to the young woman in a neon-green sports bra walking past them toward the treadmills that Legends Mixed Martial Arts gym had off to one side of the main room. “Excuse me, beautiful. Can I ask you a question?”

She paused and looked at him, fluttering her eyelids and giving him a flirtatious smile. “As long as it ends with you taking my phone number.”

Kane grinned. Women seemed to like the whole MMA thing he had going for him. “My brother here says I’m not in shape. What do you think?”

She raked her eyes up and down his body, a slow smile creeping over her face as she paused at his abs and touched her tongue to her lips. He flexed his eight-pack, and when she caught her breath, he shot her a knowing grin.

“Oh, I think you’re doing just fine,” she said with an exaggerated wink. She picked up the phone sitting on the shelf next to where he was standing and programmed in a number. “But call me, and we can put it to the test.” She set the phone back in place.

“Well then,” Kane said with a laugh, his brows raised as he watched her walk off, a purposeful sway in her hips that said she hoped he was watching. She disappeared around a corner, and Kane turned back to Rory. “See? I’m doing just fine, and I’m having that beer.”

“Next time you hit on a random chick, how about you stop her before she puts her number in my phone,” Rory said, grabbing the phone off the shelf and scrolling through his contact list. “If Clare saw something like that in here, I’d be dead.”

“That’s why I leave my phone in my locker.” Kane shrugged. “I come here to train, and that’s it. Honestly, I could be the poster child of restraint and focus.”

Rory snorted, shaking his head at Kane’s sarcasm. “Yeah, sure you are.”

While Kane avoided any romances or trysts at the gym his family owned, he had to admit that it was hard to refrain. There were some gorgeous women who came here, mainly because it was so well known for sponsoring some of the top mixed martial art athletes of the last decade. Rory’s romance with Clare had mostly flourished inside the walls of this gym, or at least the part Kane had seen when he walked in on them one morning having a naked sleepover in the middle of an octagon. Despite their breaking Kane’s cardinal rule, he had to admit it had turned out pretty well for his brother and he loved Clare like a sister now.

“What did she say her name was?” Rory’s face was scrunched up as he stared at his phone. “I can’t figure out what she added, I’ve got like hundreds of contacts in here.”

“Seriously?” Kane leaned over Rory’s shoulder, looking at the contact list he was scanning through. “You’ve got that many ladies on the hook you can’t tell them apart, player?”

“Fuck you.” A smirk lifted one corner of his mouth as he shoved the phone back in his pocket. “Clare’s the only girl for me. About time you started settling down too, you know.”

Not a chance in hell. Kane laughed and shook his head, saying goodbye to his brother as he walked toward the locker rooms to shower. He wasn’t looking forward to the bridal shower tonight, but if there were some hot women there, he might be able to get through it.

 

###

 

The blare of music could easily be heard in the night air outside of O’Leary’s Pub as Kane pulled open one of the heavy doors and walked inside. The moment his eyes had adjusted to the bar’s interior, he found himself in a place he barely recognized as the pub he’d been going to for years. Glimmering little lights hung from the ceiling, obscuring the old bar lanterns. Soft white fabric covered walls that were usually forest green with dark wood paneling, giving the place more of a gauzy boudoir appearance than a bar. The high tables surrounded by tall barstools had been draped in shiny gold tablecloths adorned with elaborate centerpieces.

What the fuck…?

His brothers must have rented out the entire place for the night. Thick red velvet rope strung between heavy brass posts created a barrier beyond which lay a dance floor that looked like it had been laid down just for the occasion.

Well, that was something. He did love dancing, and he had already spied a number of beautiful women he’d love to whisper sweet nothings to on the dance floor. And if he were lucky—

“About time, Killer” Kieran, his twin brother, smirked at Kane from a few feet away, using Kane’s fighting name. It was like looking in a mirror since Kieran was identical to him in almost every way, from their dark brown hair and blue eyes to broad shoulders and strong build. The only difference is Kieran was somehow an inch or two taller than him, but Kane was still well over six feet and made up for it in muscle.

Technically, it had been Kieran’s name first, but Kane had stolen it from him when Kieran was incarcerated. It was a good name, and he had wanted it. He wasn’t sorry. He always went after what he wanted. Kieran had initially been angry, but later forgave him, joking that Kane had more of a killer instinct anyway. Damn straight.

“Hey, bro.” Kane clasped his brother’s hand as they bumped their shoulders together and gave each other a pat on the back. “Nice party.”

“That’s all thanks to this lady over here.” Kieran pulled away and wrapped an arm around the blue-eyed brunette sporting a large diamond on her ring finger.

Having spent a couple of years in jail and now engaged to the beautiful Fiona and helping raise a sweet special needs little girl, Kane had never seen his twin brother busier—or happier. Kane was just glad to have him back, because those years apart were the worst. Kieran wasn’t just his brother, he was his best friend, and yet jail had changed all of that. He’d been gone, and then jumped right into a serious relationship with an instant family. Now Kieran was still a huge part of his life, but it was different. These days Kane saw Rory more often than he saw his own twin, which was odd since Kieran technically lived with him, though he spent most of his nights with Fiona, sneaking out before her little sister woke up.

“And thanks to Clare,” Fiona added, smiling up at her fiancé. Kane gave her a hug next, wrapping her in his big arms like she’d been his sister his whole life.

“Where’s Shea tonight?” Kane asked, inquiring after Fiona’s younger sister as he gave her a hug. Shea had special needs and Fiona had become her legal guardian after their mother had been murdered. Both girls had completely stolen his heart over the last few months, and he’d do anything for them. It might not be official yet, but in his mind, they were both Kavanaghs.

“Kiera’s babysitting her at your parent’s house,” Fiona answered, referring to the young teacher who always babysat for her.

“What? Kiera’s not coming?” A broad-shouldered man standing nearby turned and stepped into the conversation uninvited. Fiona confirmed with a nod, before Kieran whisked her away to greet other party-goers across the room. Frowning, he crossed his heavily inked arms over his chest, flexing his muscles and making his many tattoos seem to come alive. “Couldn’t Fi have found someone else? Kiera should be here.”

Kane acknowledged his younger brother with a roll of his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Quinn, make a move on the girl or move on.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Quinn tossed back. “You and Nora have been flirting for as long as we’ve known her.”

Kane laughed and shook his head. “Correction, I’ve been flirting. She’s stonewalling me.”

“Whatever. It’s not like that with Kiera and me,” Quinn continued. “We’re just friends.”

“Friends that want to bang,” Kane continued.

“Ah, the first crass line of the evening, and you only just got here.” Nora Hannigan, Fiona’s best friend and now a frequent guest at every Kavanagh function, walked up next to him, one hand on her hip as she looked at him with disgust before turning to his inked-up brother with a warm smile. “Hi, Q, how are you?”

“I’m great, but I’m not the one you need to worry about.” Quinn gestured between her and Kane. “Ma told me to make sure you two don’t ruin the party with your bickering.”

“We don’t bicker,” the hazel-eyed beauty protested as she pushed her tight blond curls over her shoulder, letting them fall down her back. He paused, unable to ignore how stunning she looked tonight in her short cocktail dress and strappy high heels. Everything hugged her small curves perfectly and he was instantly reminded why he’d first found her himself attracted to her so many months ago.

“Bickering is for kids,” Kane agreed, sidling up beside Nora’s tall frame and wrapping an arm around her waist. “See? We can play nice and be adults.”

Quinn rolled his eyes at them both before leaving them alone. “Whatever, but you’ve got Ma to deal with if you keep hating each other.”

Kane grinned and squeezed her side slightly with his hand. “I think he bought that we don’t hate each other.”

“You mean you hope he bought it,” she said through a tight smile.  “Since you’re petrified of your mother.”

Kane chuckled, but she was partly right because the last thing he ever wanted to do was upset his mother. He tightened his grip, pulling her more snuggly into his side. Yeah, he liked the feel of her there. He smiled down at her. “Nothing wrong with a man respecting his mother.”

Nora didn’t answer, but she stiffened under his hand. “You just said you’d play nice.”

“Oh, I am,” his voice husky and low against her ear.

She stepped away from him, but with little room to move she found herself trapped between him and the bar. He dropped one arm down on either side of her, gripping the bar’s edge in both hands. “Believe me, I can play very nice if you would retract your claws, kitty.”

He wasn’t one for nicknames usually, but from the moment he first met Nora in this very bar so many months ago, he’d called her kitty. She practically hissed at him as he had tossed out every pick up line he knew back then. The nickname riled her up so much, he made sure to tease her with it whenever the opportunity presented itself.

But sometimes, he didn’t just want to ruffle her feathers. Sometimes, he wanted them to put away the barbs and just be real. “You look so fucking beautiful tonight, Nora.”

Nora visibly gulped, her chest rising and falling faster than it had been a moment before. “It’s just us. You don’t have to play nice.”

“No games.” The blood rushed through his ears, drowning out the noise of the party. They were in a sea of friends and family, and yet it felt to him as if they were alone, in the same bubble they always found themselves in when around each other—and for a second, she looked like she was thinking the same thing. “I mean it, Nora. You’re stunning.”

Her pupils dilated, a soft red tinge of color touched her cheeks, and her cleavage seemed to push harder against the top of her shirt—little details he might have missed if he’d allowed her snippy words to keep him at a distance as they normally did. But up close… he felt a jolt of adrenaline, a bit like when he was in the ring and he zeroed in on an opponent’s weakness. But Nora wasn’t weak. He’d never make the mistake of thinking that—but she wasn’t nearly as immune to him as she pretended to be.

Just as quickly as it had appeared, the flash of lust on her face was gone and she cleared her throat, standing taller. “Kane, stop it. I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but nothing is going to happen between us. Never.”

He dropped one of his arms, making it easy for her to leave if she wanted. “Whatever you say, kitty.”

She stepped away from him, glancing back and giving him a stiff, strange wave where she wiggled all her fingers exaggeratedly. The corners of his lips twitched into a smile, his brows raised as Nora quickly dropped her hand to her side, looking mortified at her own, unusual actions. “Um, yeah, okay, bye.” With a small laugh that sounded more like a nervous exhale, she turned and walked off.

Kane chuckled to himself as he enjoyed watching her from behind until she disappeared into the crowd.

Not one to waste time, especially when the music was so good, Kane headed for the dance floor to enjoy the party. It only took seconds before a not-so-sober brunette he didn’t recognize slipped her arm around his, batting long eye lashes at him as she pressed against his bicep.

No words were exchanged, because none were needed. He wanted to dance, and she wanted to dance with him. He took her hand and let the beat move them around the crowded dance floor. The song was fast and everyone was working up a sweat in the tight quarters, but he enjoyed every second of it.

Several songs went by and the brunette kept moving closer and closer. Normally he wouldn’t mind, but for some reason, he wasn’t interested in taking things further with her. Strange.

The brunette turned around, shaking her backside for him. Kane let go of her hand and pulled away, trying to keep a slight distance between them. He wanted to dance, but he wasn’t in the mood to feel up a stranger who was probably somehow related to his future sister-in-laws—especially when his mind was on someone else.

As if she knew he was thinking of her, Kane caught Nora out of the corner of his eye standing on the edge of the dance floor. The song came to an end and she turned away, but Kane wasn’t about to let her go again. Excusing himself from the brunette, he waded through the crowd and caught Nora’s elbow.

“You looked like you were about to dance, kitty,” he said, his lips near her ear.

She shivered and looked up at him. “Maybe, but not with you.”

“One dance.” He slid his fingers down her arm from her shoulder to her wrist, then sliding his hand into hers. “Then you can ditch me for someone hotter.”

She let him lead her a few steps onto the floor. “’Til I find someone hotter? That shouldn’t be hard.”

He smirked, but didn’t respond because there was no doubt in his mind that once he had her out there, she wouldn’t be looking at anyone else. Kane led her to the center of the crowd, and pulled her to his chest. She looked up at him slowly, as if unsure what she was going to do, but when their eyes met and the next song started, she didn’t pull away.

He let his fingers trail down her arms, loving the feeling of her soft skin, then lifted her hands to his shoulders. She locked them behind his neck and together, they swayed with the music. Her tongue slid across her lower lip and it took every bit of strength he had not to taste for himself.

The tempo picked up and he moved faster, guiding her along with him. She kept up pace perfectly, and he felt proud when he saw her smile as he spun her around in front of him. Nora collapsed against his chest laughing, as he captured her small waist in his hands.

“You’re a good dancer,” she admitted, and his brows instantly shot up in surprise at her newfound kindness toward him. “I can’t believe you spun me around. I’ve never seen a guy do that except in the movies.”

He chuckled slightly, but kept them moving as the next song came on. “You need to be dating some better guys then, kitty.”

Nora dipped her head with the music, a slow smile pulling on her lips as his hands held her waist. “I’m not dating anyone right now.”

Kane pulled her even closer, bringing his lips to her neck and loving the soft silk of her skin against him. Her curls tickled his cheek, but the sweet vanilla smell was intoxicating. Nora shivered beneath him, her hands tightening around his biceps as if to keep herself from falling over. His lips found her ear and he whispered, “Is that an invitation?”

“What?” She stepped back slightly, her face flushing red as she blinked rapidly. “No way. I mean, I’m not dating at all right now.” Her hands perched on her hips as she cocked her head to the side. “And even if I was, you certainly wouldn’t be at the top of that list.”

Kane laughed loudly at that one and grabbed her hand, pulling her back into their dance. Her hips pressed against him and the friction between them made his entire body feel hot. “At least you’re a better dancer than you are a liar.”

She rolled her eyes but continued to shake with the beat, and he moved right along with her. It wasn’t overly sensual or hot and heavy grinding, but rather, light hearted and fun. For the first time, they were enjoying being together without all the hostility between them.

“One more dance,” he said as the beat switched over to a slower song. “To make up for the super embarrassing wave thing you did earlier.”

Nora snorted and let out a slight groan. “You saw that? Fantastic.”

“I always see you, kitty.” He was smiling, but not because of her sarcasm. Kane was just happy—genuinely enjoying spending time with the sassy beauty.

“Always with the pick-up lines,” she teased, but Nora couldn’t hide the grin on her face. There was an excitement in her eyes he’d never seen before. She pushed up on her toes and dropped a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks for the dance, Kane. I needed that.”

A huge grin spread across his face as he watched her slip away into the crowd. She wanted him. There was no denying it. After pushing him away for what felt like forever, the stoic blonde was letting down her guard. The evidence had been right there, so obvious the whole crowd might have noticed if they’d been watching.

He finally had a shot, and he was going to take it.

 

 

CHAPTER TWO

“I thought you were going to get trashed.” Rory handed Kane a set of car keys as they stood by the entrance to the pub with the party winding down behind them.

Kane shrugged. He’d had one beer a few hours earlier, but despite what he’d said to his brother at the gym, it really wasn’t worth ruining his training regime by getting drunk right now. If he was really honest with himself, the threat he’d made of getting drunk was more because Rory had tried to tell him he couldn’t. Defiant streak aside, Nationals was fast approaching, and his anxiety about it kept him dedicated. “I figured someone could use a driver tonight.”

“Everyone here is pretty plowed,” Rory agreed. “And with the five of us brothers, plus Casey, Clare, and Nora, we’re short on rides. Can you take Casey and Nora home? I’ll drive Clare, Fiona, and Kieran. Jimmy’s got Quinn and the parents. The car service we hired should have everyone else.”

Kane nodded, not surprised that his rigid lifestyle had him lumped in with now-permanently sober Rory, and their brother Jimmy who was a New York City police officer. “Got it. See you at Legends in the morning?”

“Yeah, I might sleep a little late. Get some cardio in if I’m not there, then weights.” Rory held up his hand and opened his mouth as if he might add something, but with a grimace, he shook his head instead. “I’ve gotta go find my passengers.” He turned and made his way across the bar.

“Yeah,” whispered Kane under his breath. “Me too.” He scanned the dwindling crowd but didn’t spot any of his charges. He should have figured finding them wouldn’t be easy.

When he did finally locate Casey and Nora, he found them on the small loading dock behind the building, their legs dangling over the edge as they laughed and chatted. Despite the giggling, Nora’s face said they were discussing something serious. There was something wistful about it… almost sad. He didn’t like seeing her that way.

Casey was holding a short metal tube with a significant amount of white smoke coming out of the end.

“Shit, Casey.” He combed his fingers through his short, brown hair. “Are you vaping?”

“Is that what this is called?” Casey held up the electronic cigarette and giggled endlessly. His cousin was definitely drunk. “Some guy at the party gave it to me. It tastes like pineapple!”

“Case, I can’t believe you. Smoking is disgusting, and you have no idea what’s really in this thing. Some guy gave it to you? Fucking hell.”

“It’s not disssssgusting,” Casey slurred.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.” His glare landed on Nora. “Help me get her up since you didn’t even try to stop her from smoking.”

“Hey, I told her not to. Is Rory inside? I’m not as drunk as she is.” Nora pointed to Casey. “But I still don’t think I should drive.”

“His car is full. I’m taking both of you home,” Kane told her as they helped Casey to her feet. Grabbing the electronic cigarette from her, he turned it off and threw it into the nearby dumpster where it landed with a sharp clang against the bottom.

Casey fell against his side, still giggling as she hugged his left arm with both of hers. Her breath smelled like booze and pineapple, and he was not a fan.

Ignoring him, Nora was already heading for the door. “I’ll get a ride with Rory. You should take Casey home.”

“There’s a luau in my mouth!” Casey shrieked with laughter as she took a step forward. Her feet somehow tangled together and she squeaked as she stumbled and tipped over.

Nora lunged forward to help her, but was too far away to make a difference. Thankfully, Kane managed to hook his arms under Casey before she hit the ground. “I need help with her, Nora. You’re riding with me.”

She surveyed him as he scooped his cousin into his arms, and cradled her against his chest. “I guess you’re right. She’s drunker than I thought.”

“Not drrrrunkk, just sleepy,” Casey murmured, her eyes already closed. “Wasss there even tea in thossse Long Island drinks?”

Kane blew out a loud breath. “Jesus, Casey. There’s like five shots in each one of those.”

Casey popped her head up again. “That would have been goooood to know four drinkssss ago.”

Kane shook his head, then nodded his chin toward Nora and then the door. “Can you get the door?”

Nora opened it and followed them inside and out to the front bar area. A cleanup crew was already getting to work pulling down the decorations and the previously dim lights were turned all the way up. A few stragglers stood by the front door, probably waiting for the next car as Rory continued helping people get home safely.

When Kane spotted Rory near the door, he caught his eye and nodded down at Casey. Rory gave a soft chuckle. “I remember those days. Or more to the point, I don’t.”

“Thank God for that, brother. You were an even bigger asshole back then.”

Rory had been sober for well over a year, and every Kavanagh was grateful for it. His career-ending injury had left him addicted to prescription pills and self-medicating with alcohol. After meeting Clare, he’d spent a lot of hard work getting himself clean and getting his life back in order.

“See you tomorrow, Killer. Bye, Nora, thanks for all your help tonight. Clare said to ask you to call her tomorrow. Something to do with bridesmaid dresses.”

“Will do. Goodnight!” Nora gave Rory a kiss on the cheek and then followed Kane and Casey out the door. “Where are you parked?”

“Around the side.” Kane looked down at his cousin, trying to gauge her level of consciousness as Nora reached the front of the car and waited for him to unlock it. “Casey?”

“She’s passed out. I don’t think she’s waking up anytime soon.”

“Shit. This night is such a clusterfuck.”

Nora shrugged. “She’s young. We’ve all had nights like that when we were her age.”

Kane pushed his cousin further onto his shoulder in an attempt to free up one hand and reach for his keys. She wasn’t very heavy, but her being total dead weight made it extremely awkward. Casey’s limbs flailed every direction as he tried to find his pocket, and he began cussing up a storm under his breath.

“Are you having a seizure or something?” Nora asked. “You look ridiculous.”

He sighed loudly, and looked up at the dark night sky. “I can’t reach my keys. You’re going to have to get them.”

“Where are they?” she asked.

“My front pocket.”

Nora’s hazel eyes widened as she glanced down. “Your pants pocket?”

“That’s the only pockets I have.”

Nora shook her head and crossed her arms over her breasts. “I’m not putting my hand in your pants, Kane.”

He chuckled. “Well it’s a good thing I didn’t ask you that then. Just reach in my pocket and get my keys.”

“If this is some perverted attempt to—’

Casey sighed and moved, forcing Kane to shift his stance so he wouldn’t drop her. “I don’t know how I can do anything perverted with my hands occupied like this,” he sighed, trying to reposition Casey against his shoulder. “Unless standing here all night is what you planned for your evening, can you please just get the damn keys?”

She shifted from one foot to the other, sighing with exasperation. “Fine, but you better not like this.”

He shook his head. “You’re asking the impossible.”

“I’m serious,” she huffed.

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Be as serious as you want, but there’s no scenario that exists where I wouldn’t like your hands on me.”

Nora’s mouth fell open, but she didn’t look upset. She looked… intrigued? Kane wiggled his eyebrows as he stepped closer to her, a teasing smile spread over his face. “Come on, kitty. Don’t be shy.”

“You’re disgusting,” she said as she regained her composure and tentatively slid her hand into his pocket, fishing around for his keys.

While he’d been half teasing, the moment her hand was pressed up against him with only the thin inner lining of his jeans separating her from his skin, it took all his willpower to concentrate on anything else and remind himself that he was still holding his cousin.

Nora’s hand jerked, her spastic movement driving her fingers harder against his flesh. The breath backed up in Kane’s lungs as his body tensed. She froze for only a second, but it was long enough to tell she was aware of touching him.

Thankfully, her fingers finally curled away from him, and the jangle of his keys as she pulled them out and stepped back broke the moment. They stared at each other for a long moment. It was hard to tell in the parking lot’s blue-white light, but her face seemed flushed. Her lips parted and her tongue slid out to wet them.

“Are we in Hawaiiiiiii?” Casey suddenly blurted out from her near-comatose state in his arms, then promptly fell back asleep.

Kane jolted, startled. “What the ever loving fuck?”

Nora laughed. Not just the giggling he’d heard between her and Casey earlier. Not a friendly chuckle. She was full on belly laughing. Her head thrown back, she clutched her stomach, and he couldn’t help but laugh along. The street lights flashed off her bright hair, and her breasts heaved against the top of her tight cocktail dress which did nothing to help him keep his thoughts clean.

“Let’s get her home,” Nora finally said, still gasping with an occasional laugh.

She opened the back door to the SUV, and Kieran carefully sat his cousin down, propping her against the seat. Casey slumped to the side, but Nora and Kane worked together, Kane holding her upright while Nora buckled her seatbelt.

As the buckle snapped into place, Nora drew away from the car. Maybe it was her nearness, or her sweet vanilla scent, or the way he could vividly recall the feel of her hand brushing along his thigh in search of his keys, but the sudden mental image of Nora lying on her back, hair splashed across a pillow, gripped him. A chill raced through his body and settled low in his stomach, followed by a burst of heat much lower.

“There, she’s in.” Nora moved around to the passenger side front door.

Kane quickly put his hand over her door so she couldn’t open it. “Let me get that for you,” he said, lifting the handle and opening her door while simultaneously closing Casey’s.

She narrowed one eye and peered at him with suspicion. “Since when are you a gentleman?”

Kane shook his head. She had a bad habit of pushing him away with her sass and sarcasm, but that ended here and now. “I’m not who you think I am, Nora.”

 

 

###

 

The inside of Nora’s cheek was raw from all the abuse she’d subjected it to that evening. Every time Kane had come near, every word he’d spoken to her, every veiled glance he’d sent her way had kicked her heart into overdrive. She’d taken to biting her cheek to stem the way her body reacted as she became hyperaware of his presence. Why did she always have to fall for the bad boys of the world? The ones who would take everything and give nothing in return.

And yet, as she watched him round the front of the car heading for the driver’s side, his brown hair falling over his downcast face, movements stiff, he appeared genuinely hurt by her flippant comment. She wasn’t even sure why she’d said it. She didn’t understand why she said or did a lot of things whenever he was around except it had to be some sort of defense mechanism, a way of keeping her distance from him.

But finally, just as they’d seemed to be getting along for a moment, she’d tossed another barb at him. He’d done nothing to deserve it, but she’d thrown out the insult anyway.

Guilt flooded her stomach…

“Ready?” Kane asked as he climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car. Nora nodded, pulling on her seatbelt. She watched out of the corner of her eye as his powerful, large hands gripped the steering wheel. They pulled out onto the road and no one said a thing.

Nora glanced behind her, seeing Casey still fast asleep with the side of her face pressed against the window, drooling.

“Someone’s going to need to wash the window,” she muttered, unable to take the deathly silence any longer.

“She okay?” he inquired.

“Yeah, she’s fine. Just sleeping.”

Silence again. Great. Just wonderful. What a lovely way to end an evening. Nora sighed. “I don’t actually think that, you know,” she said as they pulled onto East 233rd Street.

“Think what?” His blue eyes glanced over at her briefly before returning to the road.

“That you’re not a gentleman.”

He didn’t say anything.

Overhead streetlights flashed, briefly lighting the car then plunging them into darkness again and again. She squirmed in her seat as the silence deepened. Whenever she felt nervous, words poured out of her in an unstoppable flow. “I mean, I don’t know you well enough to say. I know Kieran better, because of Fiona. She’s been my best friend all our lives. Our moms were neighbors growing up and stayed friends. So, I know her really well, of course. And now that she’s with Kieran, I know him. Plus he worked for me at the youth center for so long. I’m pretty much the third wheel in their relationship at this point, since I’m perpetually single. And I go to all your family’s functions, because, well, your family is pretty awesome. So I know a lot about you too, just from that. But I don’t really know you.”

More silence from him.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the headrest. “Okay, I’m just going to shut up now. I’m sorry. I hadn’t meant to offend you. It was a cruel thing for me to say.”

Woodlawn was a pretty small area, and it only took minutes before they were pulling up in front of Casey’s apartment. Kieran scooped Casey up once more, and Nora went fishing for keys yet again, but this time—thank God—in Casey’s purse.

She let them into Casey’s two-bedroom apartment and put a finger over her lips. “Her roommate might be here.”

Kane nodded and they helped settle Casey, fully dressed, into her bed. The young woman immediately curled into the covers and started snoring. She’d be fine. Nora definitely wasn’t jealous of the headache Casey would have in the morning, though. Nora had planned to drink more tonight, but nothing about the evening had gone the way she’d expected.

Her earlier encounter with Kane at the bar had unnerved her, and she was both frustrated and titillated by it. The way his muscular arms around her had felt, the feeling of his warm breath on her skin… she had wanted him. And that’s what frustrated her.

Because she didn’t want to want anyone.

She didn’t want a boyfriend. She didn’t even have time for a relationship since she was attempting to finish her degree, which was sort of up in the air right now with her low grade point average. Adding a man into the mix was a giant red flag on all fronts. She’d gone down that road a few times and had been constantly disappointed. Men had cheated on her, talked down to her, made her feel less than she knew she deserved. She’d always dated selfish jerks who were too focused on their own goals or ambitions, and never respected that she had her own too.

She had been a doormat, and she knew it. But she was trying hard to change that.

She didn’t want to ever give her heart over to another self-centered prick again. From everything she’d seen of Kane before today, he was exactly that. She needed more than that from a man in her life, and she refused to settle for less than she deserved no matter how enticing it seemed. Because Kane as a bad boy was pretty irresistible. The veins that bulged in his muscular arms as he concentrated on punching a heavy bag in the gym—which she saw him doing anytime she dropped by Legends—was so freaking sexy. She’d also seen him in the octagon a few times, the ferocity on his face as he destroyed his opponent was electrifying.

But Kane spinning her around the dance floor? Kane holding her hand, calling her stunning, opening doors, and damn it, being sweet? She didn’t know what to do with that particular brand of sexy.

She found herself lingering in the door of Casey’s darkened room watching him. She couldn’t pull her eyes from the way his shirt stretched tight over the muscles in his chest and shoulders as he helped Casey into bed, or how his smile was soft and comforting when he pulled a blanket over her. The way his blue eyes reflected the moonlight coming through the window completely mesmerized her, and she found herself wanting them pointed toward her.

And then they were.

Then he was looking right at her, a question in his expression. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Nora cleared her throat. “I was just waiting on you.”

Kane lifted one brow and gave her half a grin, as if he knew what she’d been thinking. She prayed he didn’t. Her rambling earlier had been bad enough. If he knew she’d been fantasizing about his body, she might truly die of the humiliation.

“I’m going to puke!” Casey suddenly sat up in bed, startling them both.

Kane looked back at his cousin. “Casey, I love you to death, baby girl, but you gotta stop scaring the shit out of me like that.”

“Kane?” she said groggily, her hand suddenly flew to her mouth and Nora stepped back, worried she was going to puke.

“Alright, come on, let’s get to the bathroom.” Kane helped lead his cousin into the bathroom down the hall, and Nora peeked her head through the doorway to see him holding his cousin’s red hair back as she heaved over the porcelain bowl.

“Can I help?” she asked, trying to be polite.

He shook his head. “Not enough room in here.”

Nora ducked back out, completely conflicted. She felt nauseous, unable to stomach the sight, but at the same time, there was a warmth spreading through her body. Seeing the broad shouldered fighter delicately holding his young cousin’s hair back while she was sick was probably one of the sweetest, and grossest, things she’d ever seen.

Definitely never seen a self-centered prick do that before. Nora wondered if her initial impression had really been that far off.

A few minutes later, Casey came toddling back out with Kane’s arms around her and he settled her back into bed once more. She looked to be passed out once more, but Nora wasn’t sure.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Nora whispered, feeling like she was just in the way.

Kane shook his head and joined her in the hallway. “I left a trashcan by the bed. She’ll be fine. Never seen her get this drunk before, but I remember the drill from when Rory used to drink. Let me just go wash up.”

“Please do.” Nora gave a small smile. “I cannot handle the smell of puke.”

Kane lifted one brow. “Says the woman who works with children?”

She chuckled and shrugged her shoulders. “Still.”

“I’ll be right back.” Kane went back to the bathroom and she heard the sink turn on. She glanced back into the bedroom, but Casey hadn’t moved. Kane rejoined her, smelling of lavender soap.

“You smell… flowery,” she said, a smirk on her lips.

“It’s a girl’s apartment,” he said with a chuckle. “My options were limited.”

Nora put her hands up, trying to hide her smile. “Whatever you say.”

He motioned toward the front door of the SUV. “After you.”

They headed back out to the car where he opened the passenger side door for her again, helping her step up and sit down, but he didn’t back away. Instead, he leaned against the car, his hands above his head gripping the frame, and his face only inches from hers.

“How much did you have to drink?” he asked, catching her off guard.

Nora frowned and thought back, but she didn’t even feel tipsy anymore. “Why?”

“Indulge me.”

She licked her lips slowly. “Just two drinks earlier. But nothing for a couple hours now. I’m not drunk, if that’s what you’re asking. Not at all.”

He nodded. “Good.”

She paused, waiting for him to explain further, but he didn’t. “Why does it matter?” she prodded further.

Kane looked down at his feet, then let his gaze slowly travel back up her body. “Because what I want to ask you, I’d never even consider if you were impaired.”

Nora searched his face for a clue as to where he was going. He didn’t give anything away, and seeing his stubbled jaw and long, brown lashes so close was only making it harder for her to remember why she didn’t want him. She might not know enough about him to even consider themselves friends, but everything about Kane screamed sex, and right now, the way his eyes darkened when he looked at her, she wanted him badly.

No, she didn’t want to date anyone. But sex? She could do that. And with him? She could definitely do that.

When he finally spoke, his voice was gruff and pensive, filled with an emotion she couldn’t identify. “You said earlier you don’t know me.”

“I remember,” she replied, licking her tongue along her bottom lip.

His eyes flickered down, watching the motion with interest. “Do you want to?”

Wait, what? Had she mentioned sex out loud? “Do I want to…?” she repeated.

Kane nodded as his gaze dipped down the length of her body and slowly dragged back up. “Do you want to know me?”

Oh. Right. That. Her tongue was too dry to form words, so she just nodded.

Because yes, she wanted to know him. The logical part of her mind was sending up red flags like crazy, but the ache she felt in her core screamed louder. She wanted to know what his lips would feel like against hers, how he’d feel pressed inside her… she wanted to know every inch of him.

“Good,” he said, leaning forward slightly.

Nora froze, waiting for him to kiss her. He was so close, mere centimeters away. Not daring to breathe, she parted her mouth ever so slightly. Any moment now…

Instead, he reached up and traced a finger from one end of her jaw to right below her chin. He tilted it upwards, so she was looking directly into his blue eyes. They searched hers carefully, and she stared back, mesmerized.

“Good,” he repeated, his voice huskier this time. “Let’s go home.”

With that, he let go and closed her door. She nodded her head slowly, trying to absorb the huge shift in their behaviors. After months of snarky replies and scathing glares, there was a silence between them.

And it spoke volumes.

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I Didn’t Get Out Of Bed Today, And I Might Not Tomorrow

Trigger Warning: If you’re familiar with my blog, you know things are about to get real AF. You also know you’ll probably feel better at the end of this post than you do now when you realize you’re not alone…or maybe I’m just hoping I’m not alone. Either way, take care of yourself. 

PS: I also curse a bit…because who doesn’t?


 

I didn’t get out of bed today, and I might not tomorrow. I might not the day after tomorrow either, and I’m trying to be okay with that.

I’m being slightly dramatic, since obviously I went to the bathroom and the fridge, then wound up on the couch wrapped in blankets with my laptop…but the feelings are the same.

When I first considered writing this post a few weeks ago, I was going to wait until I was “all better”. Until I was out on the other side, after I’d already reached the bottom and climbed my way up to the top. Because I will be up on my feet again…eventually. That’s how living the last two decades with Major Depressive Disorder works.

For a while, everything is okay. It’s tolerable, and some days, it’s even amazing. You’re happy and chill and things seem like they finally have all worked out. And you’ve earned it because you’ve been there, you’ve been at the bottom, you’ve gone through the worst, and you’ve paid your dues. This is your moment. This is what you were striving for during all those tears. It’s delicious and intoxicating…but it’s also fleeting.

Next come the days that aren’t so great, but not horrible, and that’s okay because it’s still not a depressive episode. It’s still tolerable, and you’re still managing your life.

But even that melts down over a few weeks, or months, or years that are hard. Really fucking hard. Your defenses are knocked down and one day, you just can’t put them back up again.

A little over a year ago, my walls started crumbling. My life suddenly didn’t look anything like I’d anticipated, or wanted. But I’m a strong woman–really damn strong, actually.

So, I powered through and tried to keep a smile on my face, and humor in my words.

I powered through a car accident. Through a miscarriage, then another, then another. I powered through losing people I loved, supports I’d come to depend on, and even the very basics of life–my home, my car, my income, my finances. I powered through losing my freedom, my weekends, or even remembering what a full fridge looks like.

Because I’m a strong woman, I powered through.

And then one day, I didn’t. My walls fell for the last time, and I scrambled like hell to find a way to build them back up, but found myself empty-handed.

I had nothing left.

I know the exact second it happened a little over a month ago now. I remember the feeling…one second I was there, then the next second I wasn’t. There was no specific trigger or reason or traumatic event that deserved this.

I’d  given the very last of what I had, and now I was empty.
It was that simple. It was that fast.

I knew my next depressive episode had started…but no one else did. How could they? I still went through the motions, and met the bare minimums, and smiled when people asked how I was doing. Only my agent saw the pages I wasn’t turning in or the phone calls I wasn’t answering. Only my husband saw the daily tears, or found me  crying curled on the shower floor unable to stand. Only my closest friends saw the emptiness in my eyes and probed further. Only I felt the physical pain of seemingly unbearable heartache throbbing in my chest.

People continued to love and laugh with my online posts or pictures, because they didn’t see that things had changed. I didn’t let them see. They cheered me on, and a few women have even told me they wish they were just like me. I’d smile and laugh it off, because they didn’t really know what they were asking for.

Sometimes I wish I was like the me they saw, too. But it felt like a lie….how could anyone want to be me?

I don’t want to be me.

They just love the online me. They think I’m great because they see the me who’s smiling and tells funny stories and writes sexy books and is always there to help other authors when they need it and so much more.

But that me…is me. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that I am both. I am all of those parts put together, and how could I want anything else?

I can be the woman laughing about a silly encounter with a stranger at the local coffee shop and the woman who feels everything is falling apart and she doesn’t know how to put it back together. I can be the author who helps her friends with their books and the author who didn’t write any words today because depression stole her motivation. I can be the happy fur-mom who posts a thousand pictures of her dogs and the almost-mom who’s lost three babies before she ever could hold them and tell them just how much I’ll always love them.

I can be both, and all of the above, because humans are so many puzzle pieces mashed together and it doesn’t always fit. The picture is sometimes blurry, but it’s all still me. I’m still me.

Someone told me once that I should always be striving to be my best self. Fuck that noise. 

My best self is a full life, and that has to mean I won’t always be at “my best.” There will be tears. There will be grief and sadness and anger and hatred and an ache that feels it may never go away. And that’s okay, because my best self is also joy and love and kindness and celebration and everything else combined.

I’m choosing to live my full life, not my best life. To accept the down days and celebrate the happy ones. To appreciate the laughter because I’ve been best friends with the tears. To mope in self-pity where everything is horrible because the world is vicious and at the same time, be overwhelmed at the genuine kindness of strangers who only wanted to remind me this world can be so wholly beautiful.

My full life is wonderful and painful and joyful and devastating.

I am a strong woman…even when I’m not. I am kind, and loving, and difficult, but worth the trouble. I am all the things people tell me I am even when I don’t believe them. And in the same breath, I’m in so much pain that every breath feels like a question.

But, one day I won’t be. One day, I’ll smile and feel it in my chest, in the beat of my heart, and the lightness in my soul.

But not today. And maybe not tomorrow.
And that’s okay. That’s a full life. 


Author’s Note: If you’re someone struggling with depression or feelings of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also text the Crisis Text Line if you need someone to talk to in a non-life threatening crisis by texting START to 741-741. Please seek help if you need it. You are strong. You are brave. You deserve to be here. 

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Download A Free Forbidden Rockers Novel… 5 Days Only!

 

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FREE FOR 5 DAYS!

Logan’s Story: A Forbidden Rockers Prequel is FREE for the next 5 days on Amazon and Kindle Unlimited! Download your copy today!

DOWNLOAD LOGAN’S STORY:
Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon AU | Amazon CA
(Currently available on Amazon and Kindle Unlimited only)


 About Logan’s Story:

The first book in a brand new series from bestselling author Sarah Robinson, Logan’s Story is a glimpse into the famous rockstars past and how he achieved his fame. Before the lights, stage, and music, Logan Clay struggles to figure out who he can trust and whether or not love comes with guitar strings attached. 

Logan Clay has the talent, and he’s put in the time.
All he needs is that one big break,
just one chance to prove he has what it takes to be a rockstar.
But his musical dreams are further away than ever…

And then she walks in to his life,
offering him everything he’s ever wanted – fame, fortune, and music.
There’s no question that he’s going to take the chance,
or that he wants to take her at the same time.

But everything is not what it seems.
Will it be too late when he realizes his one big break
was actually a deal with the devil in a short skirt and neon colored hair?

DISCLAIMER: This story is for 18+ years old. This is a Forbidden Rockers prequel novella about Logan’s past. This book was originally titled Logan’s Story: A Sand & Clay prequel and published June 2014. It has since been re-edited, re-titled, and given new covers. It is still essentially the same book, but with a few additional scenes and some improvements. 


See the other books in the
Forbidden Rockers series here!

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Shout Out to The Mom I Didn’t Come Out Of

Literally my favorite photo ever.

The ridiculously tiny woman in the photo above is my mother.

You won’t find her on my birth certificate, or in the delivery room. She can’t complain about how big my head was or how long labor was. She didn’t hold my hands when I took my first steps, or teach me how to tie my shoes. She missed every cute baby smile and giggling little girl moments when everything was easy and happy.

No, I met my mother when I was a pre-teen and she began dating my father. The happy little girl was a distant memory, and in her place was an angry, bitter young woman who had no idea what anything meant or why her biological mother hadn’t loved her enough to…stay.

For years, I fought her being a part of our family. Imagine the worst behavior a pre-teen, then soon, a teenager, can possibly display, then double it. Maybe even triple it. I threw everything I had at her, but for some damn reason, this new woman stayed.

 

Despite my best efforts, this woman was happy. A LOT.

 

She didn’t push me to be her friend, or call her mom, or even like her. Yet, she also didn’t let me walk all over her, or ignore her, or disrespect her–though I gave it a real college try! When I pulled back, she reached out and reminded me that she was there and that she loved me and that she also wasn’t going to take my shit.

This woman loved me, and she wanted to be my mother.

She may not have been there for my first steps, but she was there for every school function. She was there for every birthday party and comforted me when only one friend showed up (bitter child doesn’t equal tons of friends, y’all). She was there when police dragged me back home, and principals called home complaining, and for every other time I messed it all up and everything came tumbling down around me.

She encouraged me to write, turning my moods and penchant for beating up my siblings, into journaling my feelings with angsty poems written while wearing all black with thick eyeliner inspired by raccoons. She put up with Avril Lavigne at full blast as my 13 yr-old self sat and contemplated how unfair everyone was, how no one understood me, and how lonely and unloved I was (reminder: I was 13, guys.)

But, she was there the whole time, and she loved me. My father loved me. My siblings loved me (okay, there’s still some debate on this one). Everyone loved me, except me.

Maybe that’s why I fought her so much to begin with. And by “begin with”, I mean like 10+ years. She dealt with this for a DECADE, you guys.

 

This was only 4 years ago, and you can see what a delight I am.

 

She gave me something from day one that I couldn’t give to myself–unconditional love. And it was terrifying. I didn’t recognize it and I couldn’t understand it, which meant I couldn’t accept it. From her, or myself.

I’d like to say I grew out of it in a few years, learned my worth, learned her worth, and everything righted itself…but no. My teens came and went, and I was an adult before I could truly look back and see everything for what it was, rather than what I’d wished it had been.

Learning radical acceptance, and to take life and people at face value was a process, but when I finally embraced it a few years ago, my perspective shifted. I realized that my expectations of others were so much higher than my expectations for myself, and that I needed to love myself before I’d know how to accept it from others.

And now that I do, everything is different, even though everything is the same. But the difference now is me. I learned that loving myself meant loving all of me–even the parts that make me cringe.

I also learned she wasn’t perfect, and that I didn’t need her to be to love her. Just like I wasn’t perfect, and she’d never held that against me the way I had against her. I learned that the shame I harbored for my younger behavior was irrelevant, because it was long forgotten in her eyes. She’d loved me…always, and she always would.

I learned that my biological mother wasn’t trying to hurt me when she left, but that it was okay to feel hurt anyways. I learned to stop judging myself based on people who didn’t love themselves, and therefore couldn’t love me.

But most of all, I learned that I was a motherless daughter only because I’d spent so much time refusing to accept the mother who’d been standing by me for the majority of my life without fail. Because the truth is, I had a mother all along, and her name is Lucy and she didn’t give birth to me, but she loves me just the same as if she had.

I did everything I could to get her to leave, because I’d been taught that that’s what mothers do. But Lucy stayed, because that is what mothers do.

❤️

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.

I’m so glad she stayed.
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Things I Wish I Knew When I First Published: #1 NYT Bestseller Rachel Van Dyken Talks About Her Biggest Mistakes In Publishing

Sarah Robinson: Guys, I looooooove Rachel van Dyken. She’s been a friend to me since the beginning, and I’m so honored to know her. Not once has she ever let me down, and she often goes above and beyond helping…anyone!

She is an inspiration. Plain and simple. The woman has written ~55 books in 6 years, while somehow managing being a wife, a mother, going to events, and being a cross-fit queen. All of that would be impossible for literally any human being, and yet, Rachel makes it happen!

I’m super excited to announce her as the next author in the “Things I Wish I Knew When I First Published” blog series where bestselling authors confess their biggest mistakes and what they learned from them! If you missed the first article, see it here

Buckle up–this is going to get sassy!


RVD Is Here, The Party Can Start!

Rachel van Dyken: I think my tale is pretty much like every other authors out there. I started off completely clueless and most days I still feel that way. What worked five years ago doesn’t work now, and what I thought was so totally AWESOME back in 2011 when my first book was published, has me widening my eyes going NO, NO, NO, DON’T DO THIS, DON’T DO IT!


So here’s a little note to myself and to any new or perhaps seasoned author out there of the Things Not To Do.

Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

1. Don’t Respond to the Negative

Don’t, just don’t, respond to negative reviews. Negative reviews are like bad colds, or the fact that Brussel sprouts, no matter HOW MUCH GARLIC you put on them, smell bad. They just do. It’s a fact of life. And even though it seems justifiable to hop on Amazon and respond in a totally logical way to someone who “just didn’t get the book” or who “clearly didn’t read it right,” or someone who was obviously just having a “really rough day.”

I can guaran-freaking-tee you that no reader is going to be like, “Gee, Rachel, I totally get your point, how could I be so blind? I mean. Am I even existing?” And then I’ll be like, “It’s okay, we all make mistakes. Hey, you want to get coffee.” *Cue joint laughter* End scene.

This is not your reality. It will never be your reality.

Even if you’re super nice, it still feels like an attack and it’s still wrong. Stay away. Stay away from it all. I know Sarah said something similar in her blog post (read here!), but bad reviews make you a better author. Yup, you heard it here too. My worst reviews have helped me write the BEST books, at least in my mind. 😉

Insert story time. There was once a book I was proud of, I mean, okay so I’m proud of every book. But I BLED all over this one. It was before mafia was big again and I was so pumped to write a book about mafia about an Elite school ran by the mafia, SHEER GENIUS *pats self on back* a publisher picked it up. And in my mind I was like this is it…and I had so many. SO. Many. Bad reviews. And not just from readers, no, because that would at least keep me from sobbing into my pillow at night, but actual PEERS! Authors that I later found out were running those blog sites were like yeah this is basically the worst book ever published. I was crushed. I mean, their words MEANT something to me and mine? They meant nothing to them! HOW CAN THIS BE? This, dear author friends is what I like to call, being human, having an opinion and not being a sheep, or a goat, or a robot. It’s okay if not everyone loves your book. It’s okay if only grandma buys it then forces people at the check out line to buy it too b/c she won’t stop talking and she won’t stop pointing at the poor checker with her broccoli.

My point? It’s okay! Get back on that horse and write another book, alright? Do it because you LOVE IT, not because you need approval from everyone. Thats why we are in this business anyways, because we love it!

2. YOU. ARE. SWITZERLAND.

Everything you do can, and WILL, be used against us on all social media sites at all times. I KNOW it’s hard to keep your well justified opinion to yourself and I get that authors are people I DO, you know, since I’m a person, a mom, a wife…I feel you. I do. But do yourself a favor and just write the books. Give yourself a few seconds before you post that rant, talk it through. Thats what friends are for right? Happy  hours? Wine days?  Okay maybe not days.

But the point is this: whenever Im frustrated with publishing or with anything I have a few key people I KNOW that I can trust in my life that are absolute vaults. Use those people. Don’t use your own timeline because yes you may have some people that are like RIGHT ON but in the process of getting that stuff off your chest, you’re bound to offend readers, readers who may take that and go NOPE never again. And that sucks. It sucks for everyone. Is it fair?  No. But thats life. So please, promote the happy, again isn’t that why we’re authors in the first place? To make the world a better place? To offer and escape from reality? Be that escape. Don’t be the reminder.

3. Invest In Yourself

You have to believe in yourself first before anyone else is going to follow. It’s true. I wish it was a lie. My husband preaches this to me on a daily basis. You HAVE to invest in your own stories. I’m always reminded of this, if my story isn’t a sacrifice of my time, my energy, my emotions, my  money, then why put it out in the first place?

If its not a sacrifice to you, if its not absolutely terrifying to you, causing you to emotionally unravel and stand naked in front of everyone–it’s not going to impact them. Period. If that means waiting a few months to release, well than thats the way it goes. If that means re-writing something. Rewrite it.

*cue, the Full House Dad talk music*


When I first started writing, I was working three jobs, making around $21,000 a year…and thats me being generous, my husband had just gotten injured at his awesome job, making him jobless, and me the bread winner. Um yeah. I worked at a non profit and I worked for the state. Things were not looking up, but I KNEW I had to write. It was this burning thing in me that I couldn’t ignore. Husband, in all his wisdom was like you have to do an ad, otherwise people won’t see you. Meanwhile I”m like? Um, groceries? LIVING? We were making it, but just barely.

He gave me $50.00 and was like I keep seeing Facebook ads. Do one of those. And I was like I don’t even know how to do this. And his answer was, invest in your dream. It will pay off some day. I remember having tears in my eyes as I looked back at him like, you don’t think I’m losing my mind? This isn’t stupid? I mean it’s a romance novel and he was like yeah but I love you and I love what you love…meaning, I love your romance novel. I did it. I spent that fifty dollars, and the next month when I got my $10.00 royalty check, I re-invested it, and it turned into a snow ball effect. Spending what at times was around 6 hours on social media alone, collecting, slowly but surely, readers who would give me feedback and agree to be on my street team.

4. Which Brings Me To My Next Point…

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF!
Yes, I all capped this.  It’s a marathon. Not a sprint.

I know. I know. It’s so easy to compare yourself to other people and go WELL they had INSTANT success, but we don’t know those people right? The every day struggles? You have NO idea if they have been working on that novel for 20 years were rejected by hundreds of publishers only to throw their book out there and list.

The point is this….Focus on you and KNOW without a doubt that it’s not a sprint. It’s a career right? Meaning, it’s a marathon, with times you want to quit, times you want to slow down, times you want to stop running all together. You don’t WANT to be the sprinter that wins the race only to be forgotten tomorrow. Be the marathoner, slow and steady, be the person who builds and builds and builds their brand, not based on one book but based on multiple books, multiple genres.

Do that. And you’ll find success, which brings me into my last and final point…

5. Stop the Negativity

Dream Big. Speak it into existence–use your words! I know I may sound crazy, but I grew up with the whole mantra, dress for the job you want not the job you have. We’ve all heard this right? I think the same goes for writing. DREAM BIG don’t let your current circumstances dictate your future. And if that means literally sitting in front of a mirror like a crazy person and going, “This book is going to do great. I have words to say. This is going to be a success. This is going to impact people .Someone in the world NEEDS these words.”
Do it.

I’m not even ashamed to admit how many times during the day I’m with my son and he’s talking gibberish to me and I’m all like, “This book may only change one life, thats enough, right buddy?” He makes some noncommittal sound lol but the point is this. Envision success, envision what you want as an author, envision the way you want your readers to see you and do that!

In ending, I could literally talk all day about the things I do wrong. The things I still do wrong. The lack of branding. The fact that I can’t focus on one thing at one time without losing my mind. The fact that I get down on myself. I overwork myself. I stress out. I order pizza more than what’s natural. I cry over reviews (still) even though I know they make me better. JUST KNOW, this career is rough.

It is. But it’s so worth it.

Because words matter. Your words matter. I can’t stress that enough. It’s not about fame. It’s not about money. It’s about being a world changer, and ain’t nobody gonna do that, but you 😉

Hugs,

RVD

PS: Feel free to leave a comment with your own experiences, or with comments for Rachel! 

PSS: The blog posts in this series will go out via my newsletter as well, so subscribe HERE in case you miss it! And I’ve got an entire advise page on my website for writers!


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Rachel Van Dyken is the #1 New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today Bestselling author of regency and contemporary romances. When she’s not writing you can find her drinking coffee at Starbucks and plotting her next book while watching The Bachelor. She’s written 55 books in 6 years, and reached #1 on New York Times TWICE. She’s also the sweetest author I’ve ever met.
Shop her books on Amazon here.

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Things I Wish I Knew When I First Published: A New Blog Series for Writers About Mistakes We’ve Made And Want You To Avoid

Writing can feel very lonely at times, and while there are a million manuals and handbooks and how-tos, there also…isn’t. So much of becoming an author is trial and error, figuring it out along the way, and trying not to make the same mistake twice. I certainly experienced this as a new writer and then an author, and it’s the biggest reason why I spend so much time helping new authors today. One of my favorite parts of my “job” (because is it really a job if you love it so much?) is helping new writers and giving advice when I can.

So, I’ve decided to start a new series of articles for my blog here! It’s called “Things I Wish I Knew When I First Published“, and the focus will be on quick tips from bestselling authors on things they wished they’d known back when they first started. This series will be all about the mistakes we’ve made–raw and honest. Hopefully, it’ll save you from the same pitfalls we’ve experienced!

To kick things off, I’ll start and yes, it’s going to get embarrassing.

Bad Reviews Are Actually Good

On my first book, a blogger left me a scathing review that was very emotional because of how deeply they hated my book. At the time, I was so personally offended, as well as terrified that their review would tank my book sales, that I emailed the blogger and asked them to change/remove their review. Yes, I did that, and yes, it was very wrong. I made it okay in my head by saying that I just wanted them to remove the curse words and the parts that were personal attacks on me. As you can imagine, this blogger did not take my “request” well, rightfully so, and I ended up burning bridges with a blogger who (though I didn’t know at the time) was very big and influential in the industry. That mistake would cost me for years to come.

Looking back on it now, I’m embarrassed by my behavior and  wish I could apologize to said blogger. Their review was passionate and real, and reflected their emotional experience reading the book. Knowing my book can evoke such emotion (even negative) is actually a huge compliment, and I wish I’d been able to see that at the time.

Also, now that years have passed and I’ve grown in my ability as a writer, I’ve realized that some of the things she’d complained about were spot on. She was so right, and if I’d taken her words to heart, I could have grown as a writer quicker.

From a business perspective, I’ve realized that bad reviews actually HELP with book sales. Sounds counterintuitive, I know, but what one person hates, another person might love. That negative review has actually brought me a lot of sales on that book–crazy, right?!

This understanding doesn’t necessarily make getting a negative review a pleasant experience for me these days, but it does help me put it in perspective. I’m able to learn from the negative reviews now, or at the very least, hope that someone will read it and want to buy my book because of that.

Bad reviews are never fun, but it’s also not the bad, terrible, scary thing I once thought it was.

Every Author Is Not Your Friend

Writing is personal, but publishing is a business. Just like you’re not going to be friends with all your co-workers in an office, you’re also not going to be besties with every author out there either. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t work together, respect each other, and help one another.

When I first started publishing, the indie world felt like a high school with cliques and groups I’d never be cool enough to be part of. It was intimidating and terrifying, and I felt so discouraged and rejected all the time. Until I realized that it doesn’t have to be like that at all, and what I was experiencing was all MY FAULT.

I was expecting everyone to love me and want to help me and want to be my best friend and believe in my books, because I was excited and eager and ready for the world to revel in just how amazing I am (ha!). But that’s just not realistic, and it’s honestly quite intimidating to other authors to have a newbie thrusting all their hopes and dreams on them.

I was putting so much of myself out there, that when I was “rejected”, it felt like who I was, my very soul, was being rejected, too.

I’m embarrassed to say how many times I made this mistake, and how many times I tried to make an author my friend who had no interest in me. I gave these people way too much of my souls, and it turned into gross online dramas when it all exploded in my face and readers suffered for it. I felt betrayed and taken advantage of time and time again, and while there were certainly times I was badly wronged by another, never once was it all their fault. I was making mistakes left and right too, and my biggest mistake was naiveté.

Today, I have a few close authors friends–enough to count on one hand, but that’s it. Then I make sure that I am a friend to everyone who asks, but not to the point where I’m losing myself or giving more than I have to give. I’ve picked 3 things about myself to share online–my “brand”, essentially–that are all truths about me, but that are all I share. The rest, I keep private and for the people I know in real life who love me for me. I offer help whenever I can, but I try not to feel guilty when sometimes I just don’t have the time, or desire, to help on that particular day. Sometimes I just need a break, and I have to realize that that doesn’t make me a horrible friend–just a human.

Realizing that made me realize that other authors feel the same way. Okay, so Author A forgot to read and blurb my book. She’s busy with her family and her writing, and I’ve done that too. Okay, so the Author B said they don’t want to share my book on social media. She probably has her reasons–there are books I don’t want to share either. Okay, so Author C had a huge release party and didn’t ask me to be part of it even though I’ve involved her in all of mine. Big deal! There’s limited spots and tons of other authors just as deserving as me. Okay, so Author D is spreading cruel lies about me to my publisher. She’s just a jealous b–

Wait, scratch that last sentence. Sorry, I’m supposed to be growing as a person with this post. Still a work in progress. *embarrassed grin*

Anyways, it took me 3 years, but I finally learned that the publishing community isn’t a group of close friends–it’s a business. It’s a professional world, and you’re expected to act as a professional business woman.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.
In fact, it’s a goddamn relief.

It’s A Numbers Game

You might have written the best novel of the century. Pulitzer prize worthy, in fact. And yet, maybe you still only sold a few books last week…or less. What? How? Why don’t people understand how talented I am?! This book is GOLD!

Publishing is a numbers game, y’all. It’s about algorithms and timing and tech and retailers help and social media and word of mouth and bloggers spreading the news and how many reviews you got and how quickly you got them and fifteen other things that are only partially in your control–and that can be frustrating as hell!

In order to be successful, you’ll need to be a bit of a nerd.

Getting 50+ reviews on Amazon on release day, or the first few days of release, gets you bumped up quickly in their algorithms, allowing more customers to discover and buy your book. Having a lot of newsletter subscribers is more valuable (for now) than a lot of Facebook followers, but if those subscribers aren’t real sign-ups than you’re just wasting your money. Facebook is only going to show your posts to 2-3% of your followers, and you’re going to have to figure out how to get around that the best you can without spending every dollar you have. Sharing other author’s books helps your books show up in the “customers also bought” area on Amazon. That’s just a few examples of things I wish I’d known at the start.

There’s a million little tips that work some days, and don’t on others, or that work for some authors, and not others. To get your book out there, you’ll need to be constantly figuring out what the next platform is, the next trick for exposure, and the how to get your book in front of more eyes. Marketing will be half your job (unless you’re that lucky unicorn, in which case, this post isn’t for you and also, tell me your secrets!).

You can’t just put your book out there and expect people to buy it, like I did when I first started. You can’t be hurt when you see no one clicking “buy” and you just don’t understand why because you wrote it, and it’s amazing, and it’s out there, so why isn’t anyone buying it yet? You also can’t expect other people to be able to do it all for you–like expecting one blog tour to make you big sales. In order to get out there, it’s going to be a million different things together and what works this time, won’t next time. I wish I had an answer to give you on this one, but I’m still trying to figure it out myself!

So, be a nerd and train yourself in how to use these markets and retailers to your advantage. Then, make sure to pass the tips along to your fellow writers because we’re not in a competition.

So, What’s the Point?

Well, the point is that it’s really fucking hard to publish a book and make a ton of sales. It’s not just going to happen (again, unless you’re that unicorn, in which case, PLEASE EMAIL ME YOUR SECRETS!), and you’re going to make mistakes. I certainly did! And dollars to donuts, I’m going to make more mistakes in the future.

But learning from those mistakes, and from other author’s mistakes, is key and hopefully by sharing a little bit of my experiences, this post can save you a lot of the heartache that I’ve had to experience myself.

Best of luck with your book! It’ll be the hardest thing you ever do, but you won’t regret a second of it.

PS: Check out the next author in the “Things I Wish I Knew When I First Published” series–she’s a big fish…aka #1 New York Times Bestseller big!! Read her post HERE! Also, I’ll send these out via my newsletter as well, so subscribe HERE in case you miss it! 

PSS: I’ve got an entire advise page on my website for writers, but I can also be reached via email for any new authors who want help or advice or whatever! booksbysarahrobinson@gmail.com

PSSS: Feel free to comment below with your tips/tricks and thoughts to help each other!

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NEW RELEASE: Saving A Legend Now On Audio

The Second Kavanagh Is On Audio

Saving a Legend is officially available on audio today! This is the second Kavanagh novel on audio, since Breaking a Legend came to audio last month! The third book in the series, Becoming a Legend, will be an audiobook and digital book at the same time on December 13, but you can preorder today!

In the meantime, Saving a Legend is officially live, so grab your copy on audio today! There’s tons of options, so check out what works best for you! Also, I have no idea why the prices vary so wildly, sorry about that again! They’re all the same, except the CD’s are actual CD’s and the others are audio files.

Amazon Audio CD ($24.99): Purchase here
Amazon Audible (1 Credit): Purchase here
Amazon Audible ($23.09 Regular Price): Purchase here

Amazon Audible ($16.16 Member Price): Purchase here 
Amazon Audible ($3.47 with Kindle Purchase): Purchase here
Tantor Audio CD ($26.39 + shipping): Purchase here
Tantor MP3-CD ($12.50): Purchase here
iTunes/iBooks ($19.95): Purchase here
*prices as of 10/18/16, may be subject to change

If you haven’t already, check out my interview with the Kavanagh’s narrator, Chuck Constant, here!


Don’t Forget to Preorder the Upcoming Kavanagh Audiobook!

Becoming a Legend_Robinson Becoming a Legend on Audio
Coming Dec 13, 2016


AND GUESS WHAT?! 

The first 2 Kavanagh books are also available as digital e-books, and the third is available on preorder for both ebooks and audiobooks!

kavanagh-legends-3-book-collage

Breaking A Legend on E-Book & Audio – Purchase it here
Saving a Legend on E-Book & Audio – Purchase it here
Becoming a Legend on E-Book & Audio – Preorder it here


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#1 in Romantic Sports Fiction